As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
