Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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