Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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