It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
