i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
