I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize