I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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