You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
