I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
