Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
