Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
