I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
