Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
