eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
