Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
