Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
