Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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