when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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