I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
