you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
