so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize