my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
