I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
