Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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