Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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