oh god the rape fog is back!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
