I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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