We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you will always have a special place in my vag
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
