Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
