i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
