My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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