If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
