I think I won the penis lottery.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
