she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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