I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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