Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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