In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
