i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
