Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
