She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
