he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
