I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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