Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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