Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
