he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
