You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You left your phone here
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