real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
