he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
