he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
