Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Come see our sink grown plant.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
