I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize