i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
