I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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