We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
