Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
