Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my shit smells like andre
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
