Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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