I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
