I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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