i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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