The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
