I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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