No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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