I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize