your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sober January is a disaster.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
wow bdsm is so cute
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
