For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
