I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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