just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
