is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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