I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
