my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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