So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize