tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
