Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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