3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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