I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
